


what do you call stupid puns about the universe? (a waste of space.)

by ralf



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: As it should be, Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bad Puns, Crack, Drabble, Gen, Humor, it's never stated explicitly but obviously shiro and keith are together and in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 01:12:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: Cracky Drabbles, that's it. The title serves as a representative sample of my humor.Mostly starring Shiro and his terrible sense of humor, and on occasion Lance trying to be funny - and failing because Keith isn't a very appreciative audience.Who am I kidding, this is 90% Shiro making increasingly bad puns about his arm.Latest up:Chp 6: Shiro deals with trauma the way he deals with everything – bad puns.Chp 7: Shiro can make a joke out of just about anything.Chp 8: Shiro is just very thoughtful, okay?





	1. the clue is in the name (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter title is a quote because a) i'm horribly unimaginative when it comes to naming drabbles (or anything, really) and b) i'm helplessly sherlocked.

The atmosphere is strained when Shiro enters the bridge.

Coran, Hunk and Pidge are nowhere to be seen. Allura is piloting the castle, looking slightly annoyed, Lance by her side with a smug smirk in place.

Keith is leaning against the wall, armes crossed and a look of slight contempt on his face, so Shiro turns to him for an explanation.

“What happened?” he asks, a little concerned.

Keith scowls. “Lance.”

Shiro frowns, confused. “What'd he do?”

Keith gives a deep resigned sigh. “He asked Allura if her name was Allura because...” his expression turns pained, “she was so alluring.”

 


	2. the clue is in the name (part 2)

“Do you wanna know why my name is Lance?”

Keith blinked. “Uhm... no?”

Lance rolled his eyes emphatically. “Fine. Do you know why my name is Lance?”

Keith frowned. “Because that's what your parents named you?”

Lance stared for a moment, then huffed dramatically. “No! It's because I'm like a lance: razor-sharp and slim, intimidating and deadly.”

He accompanied his explanation with a lot of sweeping motions before looking at Keith expectantly.

Keith watched that display and crossed his arms, clearly unimpressed.

“And here I thought your name is Lance because you're only useful when you're thrown across the room.”


	3. too soon (part 1)

When Keith agreed to play _Monsters and Mana_ with the others, a game they had assured him he'd like, he didn't expect it to be code for _Watching Shiro's paladin characters die under increasingly unlikely and ridiculous circumstances_. The worst part is, Shiro just accepts defeat every time with a sad little sigh and creates a new character that's an exact replica of the last, save for the first letter of his name.

Keith grows more agitated every time it happens because the alphabet only has so many letters. He glares daggers at Lance and Matt when they tease Shiro about his paladins' short lifespans and the fact that at this point they must have been decaplets.

Coran remains unaffected by the tragedy playing out in front of him. Keith's heart breaks when Liro, who only joined them five minutes ago, perishes in a spontaneous combustion. Shiro's brow furrows in upset, but when he notices Keith's gaze he is quick to reassure, “Hey, it's fine. I'm used to it.” He gives a shrug, smiling wrily. “Maybe that's what I get for always playing paladins that are like me. Can't really blame them for taking after me in that respect, too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith: ............ (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)


	4. too soon (part 2)

With well-aimed swipes Keith and Shiro finish off the last standing bots and the training sequence ends.

“Another?” Keith asks.

Shiro pushes his sweaty fringe back. “In a minute.” He sits on the floor with a deep sighs.

Keith walks over to the box where there are usually some water pouches but it's empty.

“I'm sure Lance took the last one and didn't restock,” he grouses.

“That's too bad,” Shiro says and his lips curl in that subtle way that tells Keith he's about to hear a terrible joke, “because I'd give my right arm for a drink right now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro: Get it?? Hahaha.  
> Keith: ............Shiro....... why are you like this


	5. the clue is in the name (part 3) hahaha so (NOT) sorry about this

“Do you, Takashi Shirogane, take.....” Coran trailed off awkwardly, blinking at the soon-to-be husbands. How hadn't he noticed before that he was missing a crucial detail?

“Ehm... what was his name again?” he asked, pointing to the man at Shiro's side.

All eyes were boring into Shiro now, who squirmed under the scrutiny. “How should I know?” he said defensively.

Silence.

“You don't know the name of your fiancé,” Keith stated dryly.

Shiro turned to him. “It never came up in all the non-existent time we spent together!” He scowled. “You should talk! Your wolf doesn't have a name either!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith: You can't really.... compare that.......  
> and then they realize that the guy really is made of cardboard and keith is more than happy to step in as fiancé.  
> the end.
> 
>  
> 
> yeah yeah, i know the guy has a name, but _do i look like i care_ ಠ﹏ಠ


	6. too soon (part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so bad i'm sorry

Remembering his time in the astral realm is hard.

Talking about it is even harder.

Keith makes it bearable. He listens when Shiro finally wants to talk, is silent when Shiro has to sort through his jumbled thoughts, speaks when Shiro needs to drown them out.

Through the whole ordeal Keith's hand is a comforting weight on his shoulder and he's grateful for it. It keeps him anchored, keeps him from drifting back into that darkness.

Still, a little comic relief might help ensure it stays that way.

Shiro grins. “It really was something else. Almost like... an out-of-body experience.”

 


	7. too soon (part 4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in S1 or something

“So I've been trying to find cool ways to address my fellow paladins,” Lance declares, crashing on the bench opposite Shiro and Keith. “Just, not that because it sounds stupid.”

Keith blinks. “Why don't you just use our names?” Of course his sensible suggestion falls on deaf ears.

“I was thinking brothers in arms,” Lance continues, unfazed. “Whatcha think?”

Keith frowns. “Pidge might feel slightly excluded by that. Since she's not a guy. You remember that bit, right?”

Lance rolls his eyes and turns to Shiro. “Any other complaints?”

“Well,” Shiro chuckles. “I'm really more of a brother in arm.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith: .................................why


	8. details are important

Keith enters Shiro's quarters, pausing at what he sees: Shiro sitting at the table alone, a muffin with a lit candle in front of him, softly singing _Happy birthday_.

Keith frowns, beyond confused. It's _July_.

Shiro notices him, blushes and falls silent.

“Who was that for?” Keith inquires, walking up to him.

Shiro's blush deepens a few shades. “Uhh... my arm?” He waves the floating prosthetic.

Keith blinks. “You sang _Happy Birthday_ to your _arm_?”

“Birthdays are basically jubilees of the body,” Shiro defends. “I didn't want him to feel left out.” He snorts. “Or should I say... right out?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith: .......................*facepalm*

**Author's Note:**

> more to be added in the future. also i love validation. just saying.


End file.
